The sheer volume of conflicting advice for women is maddening.

First, a low-fat diet holds the keys to the kingdom of thinness and, therefore happiness. Then, low-carb. Oh, but don't forget to sprint! Actually, you should aim for as much low-intensity walking as possible. But mix it in with a healthy dose of strength training, and don't stretch too much! But also, do yoga. And there's no way you can do it right for any less than $599.99.

AND DON'T FORGET TO RIP YOUR HAIR OUT WHILE YOU'RE AT IT. That burns calories.