We meet what we expect in the world.

We meet what we expect in the world.

We all have stories.

Coming from a background of abuse, I sat for years in the place believing that love is based on my performance.

If I couldn't be loved, I could at least be useful.
If I couldn't be useful, I could at least be quiet.

I could stay out of the way and accept what was given to me. The scraps made me gritty and the feasts sated my appetite for acknowledgment. I was seen for a moment and waited until I was good enough to be seen again.

In my experience, a lot of us approach our health and fitness this way. We sift through a lot of conflicting information, looking for the magic bullet that will lead to the life we want: one that fits in with cultural expectations of smallness, expecting that that will finally lead down the path of acceptance.

We want it to be easy, but we expect it to be a struggle.

So it is.

We believe that if we just work hard enough, we'll be worthy of acknowledgment, of love, of success. And if we're not receiving any of those things, it's because we didn't do enough squats or eat enough dry chicken. We double down and think there's something wrong with us.

What if we took a few steps back and examined what we really wanted?

Do we want leanness, or are we using it as a substitute for acceptance?
Do we want a strict workout routine, or are we applying it as a mechanism of control to an otherwise chaotic life?
Do we want it to feel difficult, or do we think the only way to get what we want is to pay a hefty price?

I believed I had to fight tooth and nail for everything I had, and I believed it would always be an agonizing battle. I was on my own; no one was coming to save me.

We're all ultimately responsible for ourselves; no one can do it for you.

But reaching my hands out in desperation showed me that it doesn't have to be lonely and it only has to destroy us when there's something that needs to burn.

Ease is there waiting, if we'd only look up.

To learn how I shifted away from looking at myself as a body to "fix," click here.