Strength in Showing Up.
How’s everyone been doing on their path to goal smashing?
I’ve heard from a few of you about resistance to your goals, and I totally get you.
Resistance can show up in many different forms. We frequently experience internal resistance: we sometimes freak ourselves out because we’ve never thought about what it’d feel like to actually reach the goal. We’ve never truly believed we could do it. We don’t seek out the information we need to take the steps to achieve it, or, on the flip side, we have so much information that we’re frozen in fact-gathering mode for what feels like (and can be) forever.
We also sometimes experience external resistance: those who we thought would support us full-on are not so gung-ho about our new way of eating. Our partner tells us they love us how we are, and they don’t understand why we are so committed to body change. Our friend who told us she’d go on our morning walks with us doesn’t show up.
Tackling the internal resistance is tough, but we know how to do it: feel the fear and do it anyway; choose to be #ballgnorant; find and celebrate the little wins; learn more as we go; keep going.
External resistance is a little more complicated than that, isn’t it?
Especially when we’re trying something we are uncertain about, in our anxiety, we tend to give so much power to the opinions of others that we get stuck.
Being a renegade can be scary!
Very few of us like to admit our deep need for acceptance, because we think it makes us dependent or weak. We therefore conceal this in performance, in alcohol, in overeating…in any number of things, just so we don’t have to sit in the discomfort of confronting the possibility that our loved ones won’t “get it” when we use our influence to be the big, bold, empowered people we are meant to be.
Not only does this keep us stuck on our own path to leveling up, but it often changes our relationships.
We mask our truth. We don’t fully communicate our goals, because we’re scared of what the other person will think. We hide our feelings to preserve the relationship, because it’s easier to go solo on the goal or pretend it doesn’t matter than it is to have your closest friend not understand or shoot you down.
Can you see how this is inauthentic?
It’s playing small. We can’t manage other people’s feelings, reactions, or perspectives. And we wouldn’t want to! Managing and understanding our own is a full-time job, necessary to ensure that we are the authentic and nurturing people we aim to be. Trying to manipulate others’ perceptions of us to avoid conflict, questions, or rejection is doing a disservice to ourselves and to our relationships. It’s exhausting, for starters, but it’s also controlling and unloving. It’s us asking each other, “how do I act so that I can get what I want (acceptance, love, affirmation) from you?”
We want the freedom to see our loved ones for who they are, so that we can both love them as they are and support them on the path to who they want to be. It’s only fair to afford our closest friends the same opportunity to see our authentic selves- our deepest desires, our messiest hangups, the whole nine yards. If we don’t, years can go by, and we could look around at who we think is closest to us and find that they don’t really know us at all.
There is strength in fully showing up.
What I mean by that is, enter your relationships being fully, honestly, unabashedly YOU- boundaries, goals, struggles, and all. It certainly can be scary, especially if you’ve never done it before or if your closest friends don’t have the same goals as you. But creating space to express that vulnerability is your job; how others react to it is theirs to decide.
Show up for yourself and for others, and that will be your first small victory today.
Naming your goal, openly stating your hurts and desires, expressing gratitude, asking for help…all of these are part of our experience on this earth. Bonus: getting comfortable doing this openly and boldly will cultivate 2 things: strength and confidence in your desires, and a chance at deeper intimacy in your relationships. And isn’t that what we’d all like, especially on the path to achievement?
Despite what it may seem like deep in the muck of uncertainty, showing up as your genuine self will lead to a greater degree of acceptance and support, in those who accept you. Certainly, some people won’t get it. And that’s okay! Cleaving who isn’t meant to remain on your path to a goal isn’t a bad thing, and it doesn’t mean they are bad people. Investing less energy in these relationships creates space for those who can be of service to teach and empower us. We will therefore have more love and energy to give to ourselves and to the relationships that serve us, leaving us greater able to be of service to ourselves and to others.
Those who remain after seeing your authentic self will see the shine and passion you have and want to help…at the very least by being by your side every step of the way.
Being a renegade doesn’t mean you have to go it alone; it means you are a trailblazer and lightning maker on your path to complete strength.
Show up for yourself and for others today, and watch what happens.