All in ballgnorance
What I DO want to discuss today, is that the "it" - YOUR "IT" - the thing your subconscious won't let you drop - is not just a looming, unreachable, would-be-nice goal, but a thing toward which we can take steps. Every day. All the time.
Not just when we're "ready," but also now.
To train for physical strength is to train for mental strength. The iron is a proving ground, and it never lies to us: we can either lift the weight or we can’t. And when we discover that we can – and that we can do more than we imagined we could – we begin to discover that we can do other hard things too.
Every moment of every day presents a choice. We get to see it for what it is whenever we want to, and there’s no judgment: at every challenge, do we embrace our new #WonderWomanLoading mentality and expand, or do we stay small and safe? The time is right for either; we just have to choose. If we choose small one day, that’s okay, because we know that a new choice is right around the corner, and we’ve chosen big – and succeeded! – before, so we can do it again.
We can learn new skills. We can smash PRs. We can get to know who we really are and what we really want. We can deepen our intimacy and trust in relationships. We can pursue our passions. It’s all available to us; the door is wide open. We have to cultivate the courage and create the space to step through it.
A la Voltaire, being a little less perfect to be a little more consistent is where it’s at. Cutting ourselves some slack, acknowledging that we’re bound to screw up, just like everyone else, and making it no big deal releases the shame associated with perfection. And we all know that shame – a message that tells us that we are this screwup, and we’ll never get it right – is not a motivator, but a prison.
For whatever change upon which we are embarking, this is the key. A lot of us (helloooo, mostly speaking to myself, but hopefully this resonates and I’m not alone. If I am, you’re about to see one of the reasons my anxiety comes out to play, so keep reading for a show) fear change, because the associated pain of changing is really a fear of not being good enough.
We assign super-deep meaning to this change – we know whatever it is will make us a better, stronger, cooler version of ourselves – and if we fail to make it happen, then we are shitty/weak/lame. So, often times, it’s easier to stay where we are, and be kinda okay, than to try something new.
HELLO!!!!
Writing that down for the first time a few years ago made me realize how small and silly that was. Would you say that to your best friend, if they tried something new and didn’t get it exactly right the first time? To your kid? To your dog?
Okay, maybe to your dog. I’m not super lenient, emotionally, when Lara Croft chews something new. But, otherwise, come on.
Change is admirable. Trying to do better for ourselves is a noble pursuit, no matter the outcome. And guess what! 100% of the time, we become better, no matter what: we either learn something about ourselves, achieve a goal, or are a step closer.
So, how do we adopt this mindset to make change permanent? To move from temporary resolution to automatic habit?
Name one cartoon character that so consistently acts in the face of fear. I dare you.
Making changes requires vulnerability: an openness to admit we might fail, to say we don’t know what we’re doing, but a willingness to try.
This takes courage.
Like, buttloads of it.
When faced with vulnerability, whether we acknowledge it or not, our goals and our purpose suddenly become very clear. It’s the yardstick of our deepest desires: what’s worth doing even if I fail?
We are strong and worthy. Our goals should always be plans to improve and upgrade ourselves into elevation, not fix what’s “wrong” with what we see.
That framing makes all the difference in the world between yo-yo dieting and effortlessly eating to serve your goals, and between a 21-day “banish xyz flaw” plan and training to be more mobile, energetic, and powerful.
There is strength in fully showing up.
What I mean by that is, enter your relationships being fully, honestly, unabashedly YOU- boundaries, goals, struggles, and all. It certainly can be scary, especially if you’ve never done it before or if your closest friends don’t have the same goals as you. But creating space to express that vulnerability is your job; how others react to it is theirs to decide.
Action begets more action. Doing something is better than doing nothing. Put one foot in front of the other in spite of the uncertainty. Turn the small victories into a juggernaut, and win your battles, mighty warrior.
