"You Are Not Weak for Needing Time to Rest."
^^can you relate?
(We're about to talk about shame, here, but let the record reflect, I am recovering from every week being like that meme (as in, not thinking you're broken for doing so). If you find yourself there, all the time, I promise there are lots of ways out, some more accessible than others for a variety of reasons. An important thing to acknowledge, for me, that solutions exist for a range of tax brackets. It's not all spa days and pedicures and last-minute vacations to the Maldives.)
SO many of us live our lives this way, packing them full to the brim, forgetting to allow space (for what? To relax, to be, to run errands, to even be late. ANY SPACE AT ALL). This is a byproduct of our current culture (you know, "the grind," "you can sleep when you're dead," etc.).
I write about this quite a bit, because most of my clients (and you) are high-achieving, go-getter, "good girls." We check the boxes, crush the to-do lists, do all that is expected of us.
The result of this, aside from learning we can handle pretty much anything that comes our way (or in the way of anyone around us 👀), is that our bodies often scream to tell us we need a break far before we're ready to listen. This is super closely tied to diet culture as well, where the urgency to get to your #goals has never been stronger, and your worth is wrapped up in your ability to do so. We're told we can fix this with a new program, but, more often than not, a new program is not the answer (wanna learn more about how to modify your training when you're tearing your hair out? I wrote about that here.).
Before you head that way, though, there's a lot to consider around why we view rest as something we delay until we're forced to take it, as a weakness, as something shameful.
Have you ever stopped to consider where this came from? 🤔
Did you consciously decide taking rest should be relegated to pre-appointed periods like Sundays or vacations? Did you always feel you had to be granted permission from an authority other than yourself in order to honor your body and mind? Do you really believe it’s unnatural to be tired more than once every seven days?
I doubt it.
We live in a capitalist culture. Our worth is, quite literally, commodified. How could we not, then, believe that any moments not deemed productive (read: not producing a direct, measurable result) are worthless? How could we not, then, feel shunned and lowly when we have an inkling we need a break? How could we not, so obviously, connect this to our feelings on self-worth, self-love, and self-compassion?
We’re tea bags steeping in the mug of shame: with bills that for some reason always come monthly, bosses demanding more, passions being turned into side hustles in front of our social-media-fixated eyes, we believe every single moment not dedicated to monetizing or producing is a waste of time. We’re convinced we should be selling the fruits of our hobbies, we should be dedicating every moment to the maxim 10,000 hours of practice, we shouldn’t need a moment to attend to ourselves, because that sort of time isn’t commodifiable, and, it is, therefore, a waste.
So if we need to rest anyway, what are we?
(Subtext of the answer: the shame you feel around being weak or undisciplined or wrong for taking time to rest is a logical conclusion of the culture we live in. Doesn't mean it's true, though.)
We don’t have to buy into this culturally-ingrained story. It’s a challenge not to, for sure, and it’s something with which I still wrestle, constantly balancing my needs and re-evaluating as I go. How to let go of it is another matter entirely, which is quite an individual process (and one I help clients work with on a one-on-one basis). To quote someone I’d rather not, I Am Not Your Guru: I ask the questions, but you have the answers already, deep inside of you.
But one thing I do know: the shame we feel around putting things down? It’s not ours. We don’t need it. It can go. 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻
xoxo,
Steph
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Psst... one way to release the shame? Go play! Take a moment, an hour, an afternoon, a weekend to get inside your body and explore. Dance around. Get a coloring book. Play four-square (one of my favorites as a kid). Shift your perspective; remember the joy that came from going out for recess, having a snack, and taking a nap.
PS- the title of this post is taken from a graphic from the illustrious Morgan Harper Nichols.
