Fitness Is a Vehicle for Connection
I've often said fitness is a vehicle: it's where many of us meet folks who share our interests, and also where many of us end up meeting ourselves.
We don't always start out this way, though, or, at least, we don't always see it.
Most clients I've coached in the last 10+ years have come to me with a goal to change their bodies in some way, but when we dig underneath, rather than hearing they really want to be a certain size or hit a certain number on a squat platform, I hear things like...
"I'd really like to feel comfortable in my own skin."
"I'd like to be able to run around with my kids without knee pain."
"I hope someday I can teach my daughter how to take care of her body in ways that feel good."
"I want to feel accomplished, like I acheived something to be proud of."
So much of this is about acceptance, about belonging, about connection, about relationship. That's what we're all really after, after all. It's easy to get lost along the way, thinking this achievement or that thing will bring it to us, without realizing it's available to us, exactly as we are right now.
That gets sticky, too, though, doesn't it?
When we see what we're after is connection, and hitting some arbitrary number is not guaranteed (or even necessarily likely) to give it to us, what then?
Connecting with others—really seeing and hearing and paying attention and fully loving other people and letting them see and hear and pay attention to and love you—happens most profoundly when you connect with yourself.
I know, I wanted to skip that part, too, because it sounded victim blamey a la, "if you don't love yourself, no one else will," (I disagree, if unclear) and like a hell of a lot of work. Let us all groan a moment together, if need be.
In saying, "okay, fine," about this, I learned that often the hangups here include not actually wanting to connect with ourselves (guilt, shame, fear, the TIME, what if I don't like that person?) and feeling self-centered about it. Womxn in particular get told a lot, in a lot of ways, that paying full attention to ourselves is not a thing we should do for all kinds of reasons, "it's selfish," looming large among them. Seems easier to couch that in, 'I've gotta go work out," in the relentless pursuit of a physical goal, rather than say, "what I really would like is to feel seen."
I could tell you how that is the furthest thing from selfish and/or how you can't pour from an empty cup and yadda yadda insert meme here but what I really wanna say is this:
The 12-part symphony of your own stuff drowning out the kid or friend or partner you're attempting to listen to will be heard one way or another, and we all have our own chorus playing (and every one will demand to be heard). Life is noisy.
Finding a way to quiet down and get to the heart of things is a new thing, for many of us, as we've tried 28937473 ways to avoid it, but have never really fully engaged. It's likely you've spent a lot of time in the above cycle, covering up mountains of confusion and shame and guilt with workouts and diets and saying yes at work and saying yes at home and believing #selfcare is a face mask and a spa date and 17 mantras away.
[whew.]
What if you could tie all these, "projects," you're working on together, and, instead of barreling to the next fitness goal you think will provide this connection, you could move in such a way that doesn't drown out the noise, but allows space for it?
What if you didn't have to beat yourself into submission?
What if there was nothing to earn?
What if the connection you're seeking was already within your grasp?
What if we were all reaching out, plugging holes in our hearts with promises, when what we really need is to move, to see from a different vantage point?
If you needed a permission slip, here it is:
It's okay to slow down, to take a second or a season or a lifetime to engage in fitness without a strict plan or a goal, to move for the sake of moving, to take a deep breath and see how it feels as it slips down your throat into your belly, moves through your stomach and back up your spine, leaving your body in a soft exhale.
PS- I currently have openings for one-on-one clients to work through what this might look like in your life (adapted and edited based on feedback from some incredible womxn who went through the program as a group last fall). If you want to learn how to feel energized by your fitness routine, think less about every bite of food you take, and feel more like yourself again, learn more and sign up here.
💫❤️
