Lessons Learned From Burnout

Sometimes, even the smallest change can feel catastrophic.

That's the biggest lesson I learned from burnout: when your back is against the wall, when you're at the end of your rope, "hang on," while some of the best-intentioned advice out there, is not enough.

You hear to break your goals down into smaller chunks, but what happens when, even when boiling it down to the ridiculous, it still feels like way more time and/or effort than it’s worth?

I’ve found what’s often underneath this is fear, including but not limited to that of spending energy on something that isn’t worth it, of not being able to achieve the goal or complete the task, of asking for help or rest, of saying no (no to whom? 👀 ← important question for you and your situation; worth asking if you’re saying no to yourself in saying yes to others).

With so much fear and uncertainty, it’s easy to forget who you are, where you are, and the life you want to live.

This is why I ask my clients about their values, differentiating between the ones they’re currently living and those to which they aspire (H/T @imdrtee for making the distinction for me once upon a time). I find so many womxn sprinting after things they don’t actually care about, and it’s no wonder it’s exhausting, physically and mentally:

If you don’t believe your most important contribution to the world is an ideal body, it is not surprising you struggle to engage in a rigid fitness program that emphasizes your aesthetics or strength rather than how you *feel* in your body (no matter how much you *want* to like moving your body).

If you don’t want to be thinking about food every second of every day, it is not surprising you find yourself drawn to a meal plan someone else wrote (again) when your life is overwhelming (no matter how much you *want* to never think the words, "meal plan," ever again).

Achieving whatever goals you have is not a matter of, “wanting it bad enough,” but of digging in, getting down to what you care about, imagining the life you actually want to live that feels good for *you*, and learning how to best support the person living it, creating her one step at a time in a way that feels daring AND safe, challenging AND true.

What does this look like, though?

I've found a tried-and-true 4-step process helpful in wading through the muck and mire of (any kind of) change:

1️⃣. Why do you want this thing, really? Spend some time digging underneath: is it to improve your health? Have more time with your kids? Feel more like you did when your life felt more manageable? Achieve everything you set out to? There’s more there than your body and your surface-level habits, promise. What is it that you care about, really?

2️⃣. Now that you see what else is there, does this sound like the life you want and person you want to be? Is it in alignment with your values? If yes, let’s investigate the barrier(s). If no, let’s investigate why you’ve been chasing it and what could fulfill that desire instead (probably much more easily).

3️⃣. The story you’ve attached to not yet having this change down pat (you know the one, about how you never figure anything out, never follow through, always learn the hard way): is it true? As in, do you really NEVER figure anything out? Do you abandon EVERYTHING you do? (I'd guess... a solid, resounding, thud-in-the-bottom-of-an-empty-barrel, NO) My friend @imdrtee gave me a helpful tip: create an evidence locker, meaning, in short, any time you have proof of yourself being who you’re working toward, take a pic/snap a screenshot/write it down. Easier to remember you can grow when you have a bunch of evidence showing you that you ARE that person and have done the thing (or something similar) already.

4️⃣. Start in a low-stakes environment. You’ve got evidence you can do hard things, and you don’t have to climb Mt. Everest all at once. Think you don’t ever follow through? Now that you know what you’re really after, plan to take one step: add one vegetable you actually like, or turn your phone on silent for one meal, or do one 10m YouTube video in your PJs.

The real meat here is, one step at a time, you see you can trust yourself, and in that healing, you follow through for you. And that, my friend, is worth its weight in gold (and how you exit burnout, one step at a time).

xoxo,
Steph