All tagged boundaries

How Movement Helps Your Personal Development Practice

How Movement Helps Your Personal Development Practice

Stephanie Ondrusek
feminism, mindset

So, you're sitting there, mid-February, having abandoned all notions of resolutions, thinking about the hike you took this weekend and the dinner you're cooking later, wondering why you didn't allow yourself some space for freedom sooner. When all of a sudden you hear chatter creeping up, wafting through the breeze like the smell of city trash in the summer: your coworkers are on their way to the break room, making one self-deprecating comment after another about how they've "failed" already, and they sit down to join you. You're having a tough time listening without

a) ripping your hair out or flipping a table
and/or
b) feeling pulled back into the diet culture soup.

But of course you don't want to do either of those things, and you can't just leave, because you've been trying to be friendlier at work. Why do you always find yourself in these situations?

It's Early on a Tuesday Morning in January: Are You Telling Yourself You "Should" Be at the Gym?

It's Early on a Tuesday Morning in January: Are You Telling Yourself You "Should" Be at the Gym?

Stephanie Ondrusek
body image, Bold Body Initiative, coaching, FAQs + hacks, offers, mindset

It's early on a Tuesday morning in January: are you telling yourself you "should" be at the gym?

Time, even if we have an excess, can feel squished and squeezed like every minute is promised to someone/thing. It's common for the womxn with whom I work to schedule themselves last, if at all.

Like many others, time is not only a static thing, but also a thing with which we are in relationship. What I mean:

When you think about how much time you have, do you consider how you'd like to fill it before you do so? Do you consider if some things will take a disproportionate amount of time up front, knowing they will take less time as you gain experience and efficacy? Does that prospect make you feel daunted, or do you feel excited by the idea? Do you feel like everything will be okay if you're "off schedule," or does that make your palms sweat thinking about "making up" "lost" time? Is time ever really lost at all?

Put another way:

Is discipline, a hallmark of #dietculture/#hustle culture, holding you back?
-
[possibly. probably.]

How (One Way) to Say No

How (One Way) to Say No

Stephanie Ondrusek
feminism, mindset

ABOUT THIS EXPRESSION I MAKE:

100% of the time, I adopt this hands-under-chin situation when I have just delivered information that is likely unwelcome and/or at least slightly uncomfortable to its target.

This being the circumstance, I could not be more thrilled my friend Jen captured this on film, at our weekly #neighborhoodworkoutgroup.

ITEMS THAT HAVE PRECEDED THIS POSE:

⚡ "I can't do that for you."
⚡ "This is hypocritical."
⚡ "I need more support."
⚡ "Do you see how this is problematic (fatphobic, racist, misogynistic things have all made appearances here)?"
⚡ "This is out of alignment with my values."
⚡ "I disagree."
⚡ "No."
⚡ "🎶 nooooo 🎶" (in song)

(The context for many of these situations is wonderfully sticky, nuanced, and sassy conversation, as most of the things I'm into often are. Other stories for other days.)

All statements good to practice saying, particularly in a culture urging us, as womxn (the marginalized experience to which I can speak directly, but, for sure, this is exponentially compounded for others), to be quiet, to acquiesce, to carry the burden, to solve and fix and nurture.

A Better Path to Self-Care for the Holidays

A Better Path to Self-Care for the Holidays

Stephanie Ondrusek
mindset

Loving yourself looks different for everyone, and it's important you find what it looks like for you.

For some, it's strength training. It can be meditating. It can be yoga. It can be cooking. It can be your favorite show on Netflix. It can be a manicure and a bubble bath and a glass of wine.

Those acts of self-care are important parts of loving yourself, for sure, but this picture is not complete. The ultimate act of loving yourself, in my opnion — the one ring to rule them all, if you will — is to protect your energy.

How to Stay Cool This Summer

How to Stay Cool This Summer

Stephanie Ondrusek
mindset

When we've put in this work, we develop a solid sense of self: we know where we end and where others begin. We stop picking up energy, trauma, and problems that we cannot resolve (we can move through our own trauma: feel it, find its roots, and break it down. We can't do that with that of another, because we will never know the full story). We mind our own business, so to speak, and we step into a powerful experience.

We are not at the mercy of others’ powerful emotions. Not always easy, especially not in emotionally-charged situations, but becomes easier with work over time.

The best way I’ve gotten familiar with these delineations is by tuning in and making sure I’m accurately describing the granular aspects of my emotions: not just sad, but despondent, or heartbroken, or disappointed. Not just angry, but confused, or irritated, or downright irate.

There are layers to ourselves, and the sooner we know where we are and that to which we aspire, the sooner we can maintain our vibe in the face of whatever is to come.

HOLIDAY SURVIVAL GUIDE

HOLIDAY SURVIVAL GUIDE

Stephanie Ondrusek
mindset

The holidays are coming up. Everyone's favorite time.

And, let's face it, even more so than last year, this might be a tough season for you, if your friends and/or family members aren't on the same political or social (or any -al) page as you are.

Everyone tries to deny the tension, pretend like it's not there, or (my personal favorite) make a sassy statement that explodes into World War whatevernumberwereonnow. We often white-knuckle our way through holidays, gritting our teeth and forgetting to enjoy the time of joy, gratitude, and community (some of our favorite things!).

Survive the Holidays: Set Some Boundaries; Choose to Love (always).

Survive the Holidays: Set Some Boundaries; Choose to Love (always).

Stephanie Ondrusek
mindset, general BAMFery

It’s the week before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring…except whoever’s doing the cooking (and any last-minute packers, like me.).

Visiting friends and family for the holidays can be a stressful affair for many. I wanted to write about love and boundaries: topics that will be helpful to keep in mind during the all-but-inevitable holiday conflict (hey, when a bunch of people who’ve known each other all their lives get together, some buttons are bound to get pushed).

So, step one in smoother holidays: choose to love. ALWAYS. Even when you get called crazy. Or when your aunt says that super-offensive thing that has you thinking, “HOW ARE WE EVEN RELATED??” Or when your dad burns the pie. Or whatever else really grinds your gears. Choose to give the benefit of the doubt. Choose to remain unoffended. Choose to still think of that person as a flawed, unique, good-hearted individual. Choose to love.