All in mindset
Is that what you genuinely want? Do you want the jean size, or do you want the ease and freedom that comes with not worrying about your body? Are you measuring your worth by your inherent power, or is your worth wrapped up in your appearance?
Are you chasing something you really want and a lifestyle that would accentuate and nurture your magic?
Or are you buying into a path our culture says is the key to happiness, without realizing that it's already in you?
There are many ways to skin a cat: we can achieve the body goals we desire in any number of ways. But are we honoring the cat (and ourselves) in the process?
We have a say.
We can decide.
We are in charge.
So let's have a moment of compassion for Old You, who's fighting super hard for her last breath. She finds her worth in her appearance and truly believes that the answer is restricting, thinking that the accompanying binging is a personality and willpower flaw, rather than a natural rebellion against a plan not meant for her. She's fighting to stay alive, because she's afraid of a new possibility: one in which she can explore, and where there's no way to truly mess up. We're exploring and finding the best system for you.
Let's also acknowledge that Old You will be interwoven into You 2.0, because Old You has important, valuable lessons to teach.
Not the least of which is, she gets overwhelmed and scared sometimes (like we all do) and doesn't like feeling that way (because, who tf does?).
Old You is like a rescue puppy who is kind of a jerk and wants to pee on everything just because she's never known what it's like to be safe and loved and cared for, but actually means well and is trying really hard (analogy stolen from Elizabeth Gilbert, whose post on compassion for self is worth a read or ten.).
We want to change. We're on board with not denying our past selves. But we don't know anything other than self-deprecation, self-flagellation, and adopting plans that have nothing to do with us.
SO WHAT DO WE DO??
"But aren't you afraid of looking stupid on the internet, especially in the field in which you're a professional?"
When I was much younger than I am now, I was lamenting being a decidedly mediocre swimmer. I was decent, to be sure, and won a state gold medal once, but never succeeded in larger competitions, despite training with those who did and being able to keep up in practice.
I was frustrated and consulted my dad, the beacon of all wisdom at the time (to be clear, now that I'm almost 30, I'm back in the stage where I find him pretty smart. Hey, Dave!). He told me that as a coach, he'd take the person who worked hard over the person with natural talent any day of the week. His words were meant to encourage (and, to an extent, I agree), but they sent up an interesting dichotomy in my head: if you have natural talent, you don't have to work hard, and, if you work hard, you must not have much natural talent. You can't have both.
Why?
Happy December!
December, for me, is a month full of wonder.
When the snow is falling, fuzzy socks are on, and twinkle lights abound, I revert to childlike innocence.
The end of the year can be a tough time: it's full of rushing, of consumerism, of trying to make everyone happy, of too much food and too little movement, and, most of all, of us judging ourselves, more often than not.
The holidays are coming up. Everyone's favorite time.
And, let's face it, even more so than last year, this might be a tough season for you, if your friends and/or family members aren't on the same political or social (or any -al) page as you are.
Everyone tries to deny the tension, pretend like it's not there, or (my personal favorite) make a sassy statement that explodes into World War whatevernumberwereonnow. We often white-knuckle our way through holidays, gritting our teeth and forgetting to enjoy the time of joy, gratitude, and community (some of our favorite things!).
What I DO want to discuss today, is that the "it" - YOUR "IT" - the thing your subconscious won't let you drop - is not just a looming, unreachable, would-be-nice goal, but a thing toward which we can take steps. Every day. All the time.
Not just when we're "ready," but also now.
It's no secret that I began here after being at a crossroads in my life. Crossroads are never easy places. Sometimes they're huge, with flashing neon signs, and sometimes, they're much more understated, and we don't even realize they were pivot points until much later.
Each and every day contains hundreds of choices, all of which move us closer to or further away from the people we want to be.
Some of my best writing was borne from exploring this concept, realizing that, no matter what the circumstances, I still remained the powerful, worthy being I have always been.
Get real: we don’t *have to* eat any particular way. We don’t have to stick to any one diet; we aren’t being force-fed vegetables; we are under no obligation to eat all the ice cream. All we have are choices to make.
There’s power in owning this choice. And it’s magical, because, all of a sudden, we can examine ourselves in our fullness (no pun intended). We get to ask, “am I choosing the hot dog just because that’s ‘what you do’ at a barbecue, or am I choosing the hot dog because it’s what I actually want?” Avoiding the spiral starts with choosing the indulgences we’re truly excited about and owning that decision.
For a moment, consider that what we’re really doing when we “go on a diet” is utilizing a tool to get to a goal. It’s a means to an end.
Allowing for that, our goal is the goal (as in, the diet is not the goal; the dress or 400lb deadlift or feeling at peace is the goal.). And the tools we have (current pattern of eating) are not the right ones for the job (we can’t hammer a nail with a phone charger), so we’re looking to find the right tool for the job. Nothing over which to get too distracted; we just need to find the one that’s good enough for us to use consistently to get the job done. With me?
Gathering all this data, a year or so ago, after reading one from Dr. Brooke Kalanick (good resource for female hormones, particularly PCOS and Hashimoto’s, but also general mindset reading, if you’re into that.), I created my own body change manifesto. Rather than a bunch of rules, I wanted a way of approaching food that made me feel empowered, rather than defeated; that gave me permission to explore, rather than ascribing to any particular 12-week plan; that looked at me as a whole person, rather than just the foods I eat. Going back to the concept of active acceptance, knowing that we can choose to accept our bodies while still wanting them to change, our thoughts surrounding food become different: they become a declaration of independence, guidelines to our goals with a healthy dose of freedom. If you’d like to know what that would look like, mine is as follows:
