Once upon a time, someone asked me if I would join them in training for a bodybuilding show.
It sounded like a good idea at the time: I’d have a group of women that would hold me accountable; I had a deadline that included me being on a stage in a tiny sparkly bikini; I had a meal plan perfectly laid out for me.
All I had to do was follow it.
Any guesses on how long that lasted for me?
Fitness is about your physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
It’s about feeling at home in your body, knowing that you have a powerful tool at your disposal, ready to tackle rogue babies crawling all over your floor, a demanding work life stretching your skills, the weekend pickup kickball game with your friends, and anything else in between.
It’s about saying YES to the life you want to live without the nagging thoughts of, “I don’t have anything to wear,” or, “I shouldn’t do that, because I had too many Goldfish yesterday.”
It’s about FINALLY not missing out on 95% of your life in order to weigh 5% less.
Which is why I've developed The Bold Body Initiative, a 12-week fitness and body image group coaching program to help you feel at home in your body — no matter what you're wearing or doing or eating.
Toning, sculpting (coolsculpting?), shaping, firming: they're all the same.
They're words used to indicate physical transformation. I can get on board with that: you're powerful beyond measure, and you have the power to show up in your body (and in your life) exactly as you see fit.
The issue I take, though, is that those are almost exclusively used to give us all the same goal: getting smaller.
Fitness is about SO much more than that.
I did a new thing recently.
Due to injuries, stress, and poor-quality sleep, I've been moving my body in new ways. It's been a process of relearning how to tune in — something that is relatively easy for me under some heavy weight, but, I've noticed, is not so natural (at least not without a steady stream of judgment) in other mediums of movement.
I've been doing some #mediocreyoga for about 6 months (which you've seen intermittently in my Instagram stories, if you're playing along!), and earlier this week, a new class was advertised that was beginner-friendly. I'm also in a new area, so, I figured, why not?
And just like that, I took my mediocre yoga out into the world.
I'm not into before-and-after photos, because I don't believe in comparison.
Not even of the "#youvsyou" variety.
I've found them to be damaging for many people: implying that smaller is always better, or that the "after" version of you is somehow more worthy, the new standard against which you should measure from now on.
I'm constantly changing, and the past iteration of myself isn't bad or wrong or less evolved. She's just different.
"But HOW?"
I get asked this question a lot, and it's a fair one.
HOW do you start strength training if you've never felt like you belong in the gym before?
HOW do you eat just a few bites of "bad" foods?
HOW do you wake up in the morning and not hate on your stomach?
HOW do you dance when you're a clumsy dancer, or write when you're an unclear writer, or love when you're an insecure lover?
There aren't always easy answers, and, "just start," while true, isn't very helpful in the swirling overwhelm.
Rigidity in our programs keeps us uninformed: it keeps us enslaved to a program or a personality dictating our goals to us and promising that their methods are best. We don't give ourselves the opportunity to be our own best teachers—to explore, to experiment, or to say, "that's not my jam."
Allowing my body the space to not be perfect showed me that I actually don't have to be perfect anywhere. I know what's best for me, and I can change course at any time.
Body image issues are complex, and their roots run deep.
Societally, all women are told we are not enough, on some level, but this is not true to the same degree for all of us.
No one issue is any more valid than another—there is space to process for all of us—but it would be shortsighted to fail to acknowledge that some issues are more costly than others, literally and figuratively.
I've discussed it before, but it bears repeating: the language you're using has a tangible impact on your perspective.
Many clients come to me unhappy with their bodies, desperately hoping that the program I present will hold all the secrets to body change, and, as a result, happiness.
They're disappointed to find out that it doesn't always work that way (I do write great programs, of course, and ones that will help you find joy, but most people are surprised to discover that getting their dream body often feels different from how they thought it would.).
Liking our bodies (and ourselves) is an inside job, one that can't be completed in an hour a day at the gym and a salad every night for dinner. It's a practice, and it often feels unreachable: how many times have you asked yourself, "how do I go from hating everything about my body to loving it? LOVING it?"
It seems a million miles away for a lot of us. It did for me.
If you're a woman, it's highly likely that you've spent at least some time training to shrink.
The gym is male-dominated territory, and in no place is this more prominently displayed than in the weight room.
The free weight area is often full of grunts, stringer tanks, gallon jugs, backwards hats, and egos, with the women relegated to the 5-pound dumbbells (you know, for toning.).
We've all paid our dues: every woman I know has spent hours on a treadmill, elliptical, or stair stepper, not feeling a workout is complete until there are puddles on the floor, wrapping ourselves in waist trainers and sweat bands to hasten the process, always hoping to...get smaller.
Statuesque.
Not typically a word used to describe someone like me: not very tall, pit-bull-like in nature (muscle-y, stocky, kinda tough, big ole softie on the inside), skin not of alabaster but of an unevenly-painted beige wall.
The sheer volume of conflicting advice for women is maddening.
First, a low-fat diet holds the keys to the kingdom of thinness and, therefore happiness. Then, low-carb. Oh, but don't forget to sprint! Actually, you should aim for as much low-intensity walking as possible. But mix it in with a healthy dose of strength training, and don't stretch too much! But also, do yoga. And there's no way you can do it right for any less than $599.99.
AND DON'T FORGET TO RIP YOUR HAIR OUT WHILE YOU'RE AT IT. That burns calories.
