A distinction between self-love and self-acceptance:
#selflove is trending, for good reason: we deserve to feel safe, nurtured, and adored in our own arms. We're entitled to butterflies in our stomachs when we behold ourselves in all of our glory (and I'd encourage you to take time to do so regularly. #alwaysbefeelinyourself).
But if you're constantly pinching yourself in the mirror to focus on what doesn't measure up, self love can feel 45648 miles away.
Ready for some unconventional holiday season advice?
You don't have to "earn" your body (or mashed potatoes).
It's the language of the season, the undercurrent of every holiday-themed meal, but I don't find it productive. In fact, it often does more harm than good.
I think it's terribly destructive to use this language, not only because it sets us up on a food-as-reward-fitness-as-punishment cycle, but also because it reinforces an idea I am vehemently against.
Bodies change.
At present, you find yourself in the midst of circumstances that supply different stressors, different time constraints, and different desires than those of the ghosts of circumstances past.
Picture these 2 scenarios:
A) How bad do you want it? Push it, push it, PUSH IT!! Pain is weakness leaving the body. Come on, you can't quit until you puke or faint! You can sleep when you're dead. NO EXCUSES.
B) How well did you sleep last night? You got 3 unbroken hours and the rest were up and down, because your daughter had a nightmare? Okay, how about we do a moderate-intensity continuous circuit instead, or would you rather go for a walk? Have you eaten a fruit or vegetable yet today? Would you like me to fill your water bottle for you while you warm up?
My training philosophy has shifted over the years, as I stare down my 10-year anniversay of entering the fitness industry.
How regularly do you stop to take stock of your progress?
It's a practice I highly recommend (and for which I block off time every Friday afternoon, on a micro level, and that occurs naturally on a macro level, I find, if I pay attention to my rhythms and those of nature). I've found both with myself and with the vast majority of my clients, if we don't stop to look around and notice how far we've come, feeling the breeze on our faces of the new places at which we've arrived, things can feel like an eternal uphill battle.
Is your workout "working?"
A client came to me once saying that her workout didn't "work." She twisted her hair around her fingers, obviously nervous to say so.
"I love the feeling I'm getting during our sessions & in my own gym time," she said. "I feel stronger. I push myself harder, and I love feeling accomplished. I can lift more weight. I'm having fun. But it's just not...working."
Of course, because I am a fan of questions more than most other things, I asked what she meant.
Honing our crafts takes reps under the bar, after all. To learn where we thrive under the pressure and where we cower in fear, we need to set out on the path.
When looking into some research on perseverence and change, I found that the highest performers work on their weaknesses the most. Seems obvious, no?
But it's the last thing most of us want to do.
We want to avoid them, find ways around them, out-muscle our weaknesses with our strengths.
Loving yourself looks different for everyone, and it's important you find what it looks like for you.
For some, it's strength training. It can be meditating. It can be yoga. It can be cooking. It can be your favorite show on Netflix. It can be a manicure and a bubble bath and a glass of wine.
Those acts of self-care are important parts of loving yourself, for sure, but this picture is not complete. The ultimate act of loving yourself, in my opnion — the one ring to rule them all, if you will — is to protect your energy.
Fitness doesn’t have to be a punishment.
It’s not the Visa for food binges. No debt collectors will come calling.
You’re allowed to move in a way that makes you feel good, simply because it makes you feel good.
You can discover your desires, your fears, your passion, and your power in the gym, all without changing a damn thing about your body if you don’t want to. And you can change and sculpt your body without the current iteration being “bad,” “wrong,” or, “gross,” if you so choose.
I don't believe anyone else owes me their fitness or their health.
Perhaps an unpopular opinion, considering my profession, but I believe you have every right to do whatever the fuck you want with your body, and no matter your choices, you're still worthy of love and respect.
Your worth is not tied to how hard you hustle and how much you shrink, whether that's in the gym or otherwise.
We tend to think of strength in one context: how much can you lift? But strength is so much more than a number on a bar.
Strength is more than an ego boost; around these parts, we spend a lot of time discussing being more than a number, and this is no exception (a sometimes difficult shift, as we realize that "not defining ourselves by a number" means ANY number, even ones that prop us up. We're more than our abilities. We have inherent worth begotten simply by birth.).
SO many of us have bought the dream sold by the fitness industry: that once we’re lean enough, light enough, tanned and toned and waxed and sculpted enough, THEN we’ll be happy. Then all those opportunities will be offered to us. Then we’ll have the perfect partner, the perfect kids, the perfect wardrobe, the perfect meal prep... we’ll have it all figured out.
And, lucky for you, there’s a cream and a pill and a 21-Day Fix that will give it all to you, no work required, for the low low price of $19.97 (plus a $29 startup fee, and a monthly subscription of $24.95).
How’s that been working for you?
